• August 15,2016



    上周我在惠斯勒拜访了我的好朋友玛尼,who is about to give birth to her second baby.这是一个互惠互利的局面:我要逃离这个城市,来到她依偎在山中的美丽家园,and was able to cook her some meals and have our kids entertain one another.

    The only thing is,I got really tired.My baby doesn't sleep well in a new environment,and when he rouses a bit from sleep and can see me in the same room,he won't settle until he gets a good snuggle.所以我每晚都和他一起睡几次,他六点左右起床。如果没有第二个父母,第二天就可以换换或减轻你的负担,那就太累了。(Hats off to single moms.)

    And after four days,I was bushed and the kids were all starting to need some space,so I decided to drive home on Saturday evening rather than staying another night.I left at bedtime,想象它是一个光滑的,peaceful drive down the breathtaking神奇时刻的海天高速公路,with both kids snoozing in the back,Adele wailing on the radio.Maybe even stop for a little drive-thru hot fudge sundae with peanuts.错O

    西奥在上半个小时里一直在肺顶唱歌,which sounds like it'd be adorable,但他一直在挑一封信并坚持住,just singing"V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V,V”一次又一次,直到我开始失去理智。But I held it together.然后,他陷入了睡前极度疲劳的可怕状态,开始在肺的顶部哭泣。


    Guys,有时我不为我的父母感到骄傲。他肚子痛(晕车了)。and his screaming was reaching teetering new decibels.I tried soothingly asking him to take deep breaths.I tried negotiating.我试过最后通牒。Ok,好的,,我从最后通牒开始and went backwards.


    但是shouting loudly at a 3-year-old to stop crying rarely works,算了吧。Pretending to cry yourself doesn't fix it either.Calling your husband and wailing"he won't shut up!"doesn't help much (but probably has something to do with why I heard him tell his crying baby brother to"shut off"). And I don't want to be the kind of mom who fake sobs to guilt her kid into behaving,or lets her language go off the rails (I mean,我知道我本可以说得更糟的,但它是自控力下降nonetheless).太难看了。

    一直是我想做的那种父母(一个能为她孩子平静的人,而不是加入他们的混乱;不屈服于自私的冲动或失去自制力的人)requires a selflessness and a patience so deep that I'm not sure I possess them.就像我的理疗师告诉我要挤压的横腹肌肉一样(我通常只是做一个绷紧的脸,希望她会摔倒)。

    我想知道我是否可以通过对我的孩子做一个紧张的脸来假装耐心?They'd be so bewildered (terrified?)它可能只是起作用。哈!!


    And不断的无私和对孩子的耐心使你很难不与你的配偶变成一个小男孩。,你觉得自己可以安全地在周围精疲力竭的人,发脾气吧,and be irrational toward.But that can start a pretty unattractive spiral.So don't.上升以上。(我主要是在这里指导自己。)

    星期六晚上我终于把车开进了停车场,孩子们终于安心地睡了,I felt tears pricking at my eyes.I felt guilty for not doing better.But a few (ok,many) of the tears were self-centred ones of feeling exhausted,耗尽,就像我没有什么可以给的。

    Then a little familiar childhood tune popped into my mind:

    Love is something if you give it away,give it away,把它扔掉。爱是如果你给它的东西,you end up having more.

    还记得那首歌吗?It sounds overly simplistic,但它一直在头上奔跑,直到感觉像一个微观的启示。当我为自己被要求给予超过我必须提供的东西而感到抱歉时,它给了我安慰。The more you put in,the more you get out.你给予的爱越多,你得到的爱越多。给予的无私行为实际上是一种自私自利的行为。

    在孩子面前,my life centred around myself.It's not that I was a selfish human being,但作为一个没有依靠的自主的成年人,我的日常决定是基于我自己的需要和愿望。Lately I've been really missing home,and I think I've been going through a bit of a mourning period for the time in my life when I was the one being taken care of.We are on our own in Vancouver;both my family and my husband's are far away.Over here I necessarily assumed to the role of matriarch;当我不知所措的时候,没有一个聪明的女人能比我更能拥抱我,拍拍我的头。love the kids for me when I'm exhausted,或者做周日晚餐。I wasn't quite prepared for the promotion.This new role requires me to find strength and softness and composure when I'm feeling burned out,当我想隐藏的时候在场,不断提醒自己要站起来。我并不总是成功。

    Much like those deep core muscles,I think要成为一个好的领导者(儿童或其他)所需要的品质假装一些坚实的东西,直到你能感觉到他们的真实存在。(我现在可以,buy the way – that ab is in there,深且保护良好,but finally something I can actually squeeze.)

    我认为,这一“超人”努力的另一面是不断超越自我,振作起来,在你最想尖叫的时刻,不停地奉献你最好的自我。giving yourself permission to peace out afterwards.Offering yourself the same kindness and love and compassion.Finding some way to escape and either blow off steam or find your zen – go for a walk or run,在树下读书,wander the farmer's market,SIP(SLAM)?在酒店的酒吧里,穿着没有花生酱手印的裙子,喝一杯烈性鸡尾酒,上瑜伽课,schedule a coffee (strong cocktail?)和一个好朋友。

    "Somehow,we've reduced mom self-care to a day spa visit or a trip to get a mani/pedi when in actuality it is the life vest that keeps us afloat.""??Mia Redrick,The Mom Strategist

    有规律地做一些能让你内心愉悦的事情。无论需要什么来照顾你和给你充电,这样你就可以再一次have给点东西。我不想听到你没有时间。Find time.Make it happen.(Again,mostly bossing myself around,but if you need the firm instruction,by all means take it.)Caregivers need to remember that their needs are of equal importance to the ones they care for.


    What can you do to promote world peace?Go home and love your family.?Mother Teresa


    Hi,我是詹!I'm in the williamhill威廉希尔appFoodess kitchen making a spectacular mess + something delicious,in roughly equal parts.加入我的季节性烘焙,加入全球灵感的舒适食谱和(健康的)美食,威廉希尔威廉希尔appplus with lots of tips and resources.很高兴你能来!!

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